Personal Log: Stardate 89763.3
I arrived on the Starbase today and have just been assigned temporary quarters until I get my posting. I am debating on whether or not to unpack what little I have. It would just seem to be a waste of time, but then again, I don’t know how long I will be waiting. I still have mixed feelings about what happed on board the Lexington. During the attack, I felt kind of numb. I just sorta knew what to do. I guess that’s what they mean when they say your training takes over when there is an emergency.
They say I saved six lives that day. I met one of the officers I treated that night and he thanked me and called me his hero. He told me he expected to die that day. I didn’t know what to say to him. I don’t feel like a hero. I was stuck in my quarters for most of the battle. I am still trying to also deal with the loss of those I could not save. 11 people where in that hallway and almost half didn’t make it. Five officers lost their lives in my hand. Was it my fault? Could I have done more? The councilor told me not to think like that but I cannot help it. I should have been able to save them all. I am a doctor. Head of my class… HA! I should just go back to the academy and learn more. I don’t feel as though I belong here yet.
That also brings to mind something else. I took my first life today. True, he was going to kill me and I had no choice, but I regret that he had to die. It is war though, and I understand that. I just keep thinking that I joined Starfleet to save lives not end them.
There is one more thing that I feel off about. Lt. Sova. That man irritated me to no end when he was rescuing me. He even balked when I asked to treat his wounds. I was glad to be out of his company after we were rescued. Don’t get me wrong, I was grateful to him. He saved my life but at the same time I was happy to be away from him. Why then is my mind consumed my him? I guess that’s for another time.
End Personal Log.
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